Who Am I?


But Moses asked God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11)

I know that it has been quite a while since I came back to God’s calling. While I have been more busy than ever this is NO EXCUSE.

Although I enjoyed my simple Easter with my family, which once again reminded just how much God loves each and every one of us, I continue to struggle with knowing that I am worthy of this love. Yes, the girl who reminds each and every one of you that God loves you and I UNCONDITIONALLY has her own insecurities.

In fact, I struggle with these everyday. Along with many in this world, I have made my share of mistakes in the past and even in the present. This includes my not spending enough time with the one who loves me always and NO MATTER WHAT.

Despite this, HE has continued to pursue and remind me that he will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). He has also sent me every sign lately telling me that although I am not the world’s idea of a “Perfect Christian” that his mission is true for me. Much like Moses (Exodus 3), who never thought that his past sins would allow him to carry out God’s mission, this imperfect child of God is going to step out in faith and continue reaching out with his message for each of you.

Thank you all for your continued support and most importantly THANK YOU GOD for reminding me that I am worthy of your love and your mission.


A Childlike Faith

A friend of mine sent me this over the weekend and I couldn’t wait to share it. Although this is one of those chain letters that you see going across social media, it was one of the best kinds. I say this because it not only reminds us to have a childlike faith, but to pray that God will bless us with this kind of faith  each and every day. As I read the story of God’s miracle child again I am reminded of what we really need to celebrate as the Easter holiday approaches. God’s true love for each and every one of us no matter how the world may view us.
RememberFor God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. (John 3:16-17)
I envy Kevin. My brother, Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed. At least that’s what I heard him say one night.
He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, ‘Are you there, God?’ he said. ‘Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed….’
I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin’s unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in. He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he’s 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult. He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them. I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life? Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed. The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.
He does not seem dissatisfied.
He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.
He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day’s laundry chores.
And Saturdays – oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That’s the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. ‘That one’s goin’ to Chi-car-go! ‘ Kevin shouts as he claps his hands. His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights. And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips. He doesn’t know what it means to be discontent. His life is simple. He will never know the entanglements of wealth or power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be. His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.

He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax. He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure. He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue. Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.

Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God – to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an ‘educated’ person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion. In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith. It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions. It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances – they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God’s care. Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God. And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I’ll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.
I say this solemn prayer for each of you….Lord God turn our hearts to your decrees and not to material gain. Turn our eyes from looking at what is worthless and give us life in Your Ways. (Psalm 119: 36-37)